I was at work the other day. As usual I called home to make sure my oldest daughter and my son, got home safely from Middle School. She answered and I asked "Did you have a good day?" "Yes! I had a great day! I made high honor roll!! (this is the 6th straight quarter, she's made high honor roll...yes, I'm bragging).
Before I could even begin to congratulate her and tell her how proud she makes me (which she does every day), she said "But guess what? Jonah had an even better day...he made honor roll!!!"
I literally couldn't speak. "He made honor roll?" "Yes!! He did!!!" I tried to speak. I'm sure I opened my mouth several times. My co-worker was standing next to me, looked at me with alarm and asked "Is everything ok at home?" I nodded frantically. I could feel the tears forming as I whispered "Jonah made honor roll."
My co-worker smiled and I lost it. I handed her the phone and ran into the back office with my hands over my face. I was shaking and sobbing. Tears were running down my face. Two other co-workers looked at me in alarm. One asked "Are you ok? Did something happen to your kids??!" It took me a few tries, before I managed to whisper "My...my son made honor roll." "Awww, so its a good cry!" one said. I nodded, hands still over my face.
My son.
My son made the honor roll.
He made the honor roll!!!
Just the other week, my husband and I were speculating on how Jonah was doing in school. We know where is strengths are, but worry about what he struggles with, how it impacts his grades... and how that will affect him as he navigates middle school. Also, how it will affect him beyond middle school.
Then he showed us what he can do. What he is capable of. You've heard the expression "a weight was lifted?" I never really experienced that until the other day. Something was literally lifted up and made immeasurably lighter. I was caught off guard. I didn't know, until that moment, how much worry I had been suppressing.
My beautiful boy. My smart, wonderful, quirky, odd, funny, stimy and beautiful boy. He has amazed me yet again.
I am so blessed to have three amazing and wonderfully unique kids. I am so proud of all of them. That my oldest, thought first of her brother's achievement over her own makes my heart nearly burst with love for her. That my youngest tells anyone who will listen, about him...I feel the same.
Somehow, God thought me worthy to be Mom to these three kids...and I am forever thankful.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"I Got A 96!!"
This was the exclamation from my son, as he barreled into the house - in his typical, drop crap in a bread crumb trail style. I didn't even get a chance to ask him in what subject, before he told me it was in science. Am I surprised? No. Am I thrilled? YES! That he does so well in his other subjects, makes it a bit easier to deal with our concerns over his struggles with math.
See, its not that he can't get the math. The frustrating thing, is that he doesn't get the TIME to get the math. No sooner than he starts to grasp a concept, than its off to the next. We are scrambling with a way to give him that additional support at home. He also doesn't have a math book. WTF? Seriously? One of the hardest subjects in school and you don't have a frigging text book for it?
So, as in elementary school - I'm going to have to ask that he have step by step examples of what is being taught, sent home on copies. Once he grasps the concept, its in his head - he's not stupid. Or slow. He just needs to approach math, in a roundabout way.
After all...how many kid's come home and ask your thoughts on "taxation without representation," and can explain why that's a bad thing?
See, its not that he can't get the math. The frustrating thing, is that he doesn't get the TIME to get the math. No sooner than he starts to grasp a concept, than its off to the next. We are scrambling with a way to give him that additional support at home. He also doesn't have a math book. WTF? Seriously? One of the hardest subjects in school and you don't have a frigging text book for it?
So, as in elementary school - I'm going to have to ask that he have step by step examples of what is being taught, sent home on copies. Once he grasps the concept, its in his head - he's not stupid. Or slow. He just needs to approach math, in a roundabout way.
After all...how many kid's come home and ask your thoughts on "taxation without representation," and can explain why that's a bad thing?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So Hard To Blog
about my son...I find it easy to blog regularly about my running/triathlon adventures. Why is this such a challenge?
Perhaps because it hits so close to the heart?
Because he's so on the edge of "normal?" He's diagnosed with higher functioning Aspergers (on the Autism spectrum). School is challenging, but he is holding his own academically. I'm not sure about friends...play dates are rare. He's at that point, where he's developing beyond his elementary school friends, but isn't quite up to his peers in middle school.
We watch him, to see how he acts when its time to go to school...and when he comes home. Leaving and coming back with a smile, is taken as a good sign. He has a good appetite (ok...a HUGE appetite). He interacts - hugs, talks, smiles, jokes and does his chores (not always willingly...typical tween).
But he also loves to repeat entire groups of dialogue from his favorite shows or movies
He flaps. He also vocalizes what we call "sound effects" in conjunction with his flapping.
He has "intense interests" (not the same as 'mini obsessions,' which are transitory and/or periodic) - Military History, Lord Of The Rings, Star Wars Clone Wars, Indiana Jones and his dominoes - these have been a favorite toy of his, since he was three. Well before he was diagnosed with Autism, we noticed how he loved to line up those chunky Crayola markers. It only made sense that if he liked to line things up, he might as well do it with something he could be creative in doing so.
Has what we call "mini obsessions." Which can be anything from fixating on a particular video game, to not moving his cat off his lap, "because she's happy" and needing us to move her. Yes, that is an actual issue at times.
His conversations, can be very one sided, if you do not gently remind him or redirect him. "Listen to what the other person is asking you/interested in/wants to do/talk about."
We ask him regularly, what other people he knows, like to do/read/watch. We try, as much as we can, to teach him to put himself in the world around him...and not get lost in the world inside him.
His speech, sounds somewhat, as though English were his second language. In fact, he sounds quite a bit like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Tenses and plurals, however, continue to be tricky for him to master. Misplaced modifiers? All over the place...but those we try to make fun. When he verbalizes one....we point it out to him in a way that is humorous and not critical - that he can appreciate the unintended humor, is amazing.
I realize, that when it comes to Autism - how severely your child is affected, is an unknown. I see that in many ways, my son is lucky. Is that what it is, luck? A genetic game of poker?
Whatever it is, I admit...its hard to write about. I know there are kids out there, far more affected than my own. There are parents who are exhausted, beyond worried and trying to figure out how to care for a child - that will most likely require a lifetime of full time care.
So what right do I have, to worry about...to write about my son? Who can stay home alone. Is learning to babysit. Can go to away camp with his Boy Scout troop. Who can make his lunch with the toaster oven. Walk home alone from school. Make his bed without help. Who does not have toilet issues and can bathe himself? How selfish am I to worry?
But I do worry. Because my son is not neuro-typical. He will never be neuro-typical. He may learn to navigate the NT world, but he will always be a bit quirky. Be a bit "stimy."
My son is high functioning. But I'm his Mom...and I worry all the same.
Perhaps because it hits so close to the heart?
Because he's so on the edge of "normal?" He's diagnosed with higher functioning Aspergers (on the Autism spectrum). School is challenging, but he is holding his own academically. I'm not sure about friends...play dates are rare. He's at that point, where he's developing beyond his elementary school friends, but isn't quite up to his peers in middle school.
We watch him, to see how he acts when its time to go to school...and when he comes home. Leaving and coming back with a smile, is taken as a good sign. He has a good appetite (ok...a HUGE appetite). He interacts - hugs, talks, smiles, jokes and does his chores (not always willingly...typical tween).
But he also loves to repeat entire groups of dialogue from his favorite shows or movies
He flaps. He also vocalizes what we call "sound effects" in conjunction with his flapping.
He has "intense interests" (not the same as 'mini obsessions,' which are transitory and/or periodic) - Military History, Lord Of The Rings, Star Wars Clone Wars, Indiana Jones and his dominoes - these have been a favorite toy of his, since he was three. Well before he was diagnosed with Autism, we noticed how he loved to line up those chunky Crayola markers. It only made sense that if he liked to line things up, he might as well do it with something he could be creative in doing so.
Has what we call "mini obsessions." Which can be anything from fixating on a particular video game, to not moving his cat off his lap, "because she's happy" and needing us to move her. Yes, that is an actual issue at times.
His conversations, can be very one sided, if you do not gently remind him or redirect him. "Listen to what the other person is asking you/interested in/wants to do/talk about."
We ask him regularly, what other people he knows, like to do/read/watch. We try, as much as we can, to teach him to put himself in the world around him...and not get lost in the world inside him.
His speech, sounds somewhat, as though English were his second language. In fact, he sounds quite a bit like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Tenses and plurals, however, continue to be tricky for him to master. Misplaced modifiers? All over the place...but those we try to make fun. When he verbalizes one....we point it out to him in a way that is humorous and not critical - that he can appreciate the unintended humor, is amazing.
I realize, that when it comes to Autism - how severely your child is affected, is an unknown. I see that in many ways, my son is lucky. Is that what it is, luck? A genetic game of poker?
Whatever it is, I admit...its hard to write about. I know there are kids out there, far more affected than my own. There are parents who are exhausted, beyond worried and trying to figure out how to care for a child - that will most likely require a lifetime of full time care.
So what right do I have, to worry about...to write about my son? Who can stay home alone. Is learning to babysit. Can go to away camp with his Boy Scout troop. Who can make his lunch with the toaster oven. Walk home alone from school. Make his bed without help. Who does not have toilet issues and can bathe himself? How selfish am I to worry?
But I do worry. Because my son is not neuro-typical. He will never be neuro-typical. He may learn to navigate the NT world, but he will always be a bit quirky. Be a bit "stimy."
My son is high functioning. But I'm his Mom...and I worry all the same.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
If I sing a song, will you sing along?
This is such a fitting song, for my son. "Sing Along" by The Blue Man Group with Dave Matthews on vocals:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eagbog8_MGI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eagbog8_MGI
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Susan Senator - "The Dignity Of Risk."
http://susansenator.com/blog/2010/11/the-dignity-of-risk/
An amazing post about a Mom, her 21 year old son with Autism and personal dignity. I especially like this quote:
" If Nat is to become as independent a man as possible, he must be allowed to do what he needs to do, even if it is a little scary, not completely predictable. "
How true. I know how this Mom is feeling, because as my son (now 11) grows older, I am beginning to navigate this uncertain road. We began this journey a few years ago, at the age of 7 by allowing him in the men's locker room independently. The same for the restrooms.
We also started letting him play alone outside, with the rules and boundaries clearly explained. I even role played certain situations (What do you do if you're ball rolls in the street? If a car pulls in the driveway? Our neighbor's dog gets loose? Etc etc).
Last year, we began allowing him to stay home alone for short periods - making sure he knew how to reach us on his sister's cell phone, what to do if someone knocked on the door and what he could/could not do in the house.
Now, he is learning to babysit his sister for short periods - when I have to run to the store or if my oldest is on the late bus from school and I'm at work.
What will come next? I'm not sure. As he grows older and becomes a teenager, I expect he will let us know. Watching him and my oldest approach their teenage years, I can't help but compare the two. In all honesty...its my neuro-typical oldest daughter that is giving me the most stress!!! :-)
An amazing post about a Mom, her 21 year old son with Autism and personal dignity. I especially like this quote:
" If Nat is to become as independent a man as possible, he must be allowed to do what he needs to do, even if it is a little scary, not completely predictable. "
How true. I know how this Mom is feeling, because as my son (now 11) grows older, I am beginning to navigate this uncertain road. We began this journey a few years ago, at the age of 7 by allowing him in the men's locker room independently. The same for the restrooms.
We also started letting him play alone outside, with the rules and boundaries clearly explained. I even role played certain situations (What do you do if you're ball rolls in the street? If a car pulls in the driveway? Our neighbor's dog gets loose? Etc etc).
Last year, we began allowing him to stay home alone for short periods - making sure he knew how to reach us on his sister's cell phone, what to do if someone knocked on the door and what he could/could not do in the house.
Now, he is learning to babysit his sister for short periods - when I have to run to the store or if my oldest is on the late bus from school and I'm at work.
What will come next? I'm not sure. As he grows older and becomes a teenager, I expect he will let us know. Watching him and my oldest approach their teenage years, I can't help but compare the two. In all honesty...its my neuro-typical oldest daughter that is giving me the most stress!!! :-)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Happy Birthday My Beautiful Boy
11 years ago, on October 17th, in the wee hours of the morning you were born. Four hours start to finish, you were in a bit of a hurry. Barely time for the epidural, no time to find a sitter for your big sister (almost two years old then) who was there for the whole thing. Afterwards, she looked at her new baby brother, said "Awww. Can I hab a cookie now Daddy? Pwease?"
She got her cookie and we all got an amazing addition to our family. Barely 6.5 pounds, you were all torso and legs (you still are). Like your sisters, you have your Dad's round upper features and my pointy elf chin.
You were a good baby, within a month you slept through the night.
We had no issues nursing.
You hit all the milestones for an infant/toddler on time.
You had no major illnesses.
You loved your Classic Pooh, Gund Piglet and your fleecy dinosaur blanket from Plymouth, NH (you still sleep with both).
You were a happy baby. You are a happy boy.
You have Aspergers.
You are amazing.
You are funny.
You are smart.
You are loved.
We wouldn't want you any other way.
You define your Autism, it does not define you.
Happy birthday, Jonah...what an honor it is, to be your Mom and Dad.
She got her cookie and we all got an amazing addition to our family. Barely 6.5 pounds, you were all torso and legs (you still are). Like your sisters, you have your Dad's round upper features and my pointy elf chin.
You were a good baby, within a month you slept through the night.
We had no issues nursing.
You hit all the milestones for an infant/toddler on time.
You had no major illnesses.
You loved your Classic Pooh, Gund Piglet and your fleecy dinosaur blanket from Plymouth, NH (you still sleep with both).
You were a happy baby. You are a happy boy.
You have Aspergers.
You are amazing.
You are funny.
You are smart.
You are loved.
We wouldn't want you any other way.
You define your Autism, it does not define you.
Happy birthday, Jonah...what an honor it is, to be your Mom and Dad.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
No Chore Modifications
Our son may receive modifications via is IEP for school related work - but not at home. After school, he is expected to start his homework and finish it - we help if its needed and always look over his work. Instead of giving him the answers, we show him how to find them in the material he has at his disposal.
After homework, he has his "rest" time. This usually means playing with his dominoes in his room. He uses them to role play Revolutionary or Civil War battles of his own imaging. They have been a favorite "spectrum" toy of his since we bought his first set at around age 4. He used to just line them up and knock them down. Then, he started incorporating them into his imaginary play (as he grew older, his imaginary play matured - but it still is very centered around his especially intense interests).
Other times, he will compose a Calvin and Hobbes inspired comic - his original comic "odes" to Bill Waterson's creation, are becoming more witty and unique, as he becomes more confident about putting his own sense humor to paper.
He has chores now - manly ones, we like to call them. Helping Mom, by bringing the filled dirty laundry basket downstairs. Checking the dryer and bringing any clean ones upstairs. Cleaning up after the dog in the yard - he is both disgusted and delighted by this task - listening to his exclamations as he picks up poo, is hysterical (This one is HUGE!!). Then, there are the expected chores - making his bed, cleaning up his floor before bedtime and putting his own clothes away.
As he gets older, our expectations of him both at home and at school continue to increase. The world outside of school, does not have an IEP. There are no modifications for what real life throws at you. A special parking spot, will not prepare him to pay his own bills, hold down a job or live independently as an adult. So we start now, in small ways, here and there to prepare him.
It might mean having him redo a spelling test at home, that he did poorly on at school.
Re-writing that lower case "a" a dozen times, until it looks more like an "a" and less like some wonky doodle (same for lower case "d" and "b").
Practicing "give and take" conversations in the car. Especially in being conscientious of what the other person is speaking about.
Constantly re-directing him to look at person who his speaking to him (he has no issue with eye contact, the other way around).
Giving him places he can freely flap in with no one asking him to tone it down (home, mostly his room. Outdoors. The YMCA.).
Privileges for something well done, without being asked.
Consequences for something he shouldn't have done (and sticking with our decision).
In all honesty, at the end of the day, all I can hope is that we've continued to do our best by him. The biggest dream I have for my son, is for him to be happy - as it is for all my children.
After homework, he has his "rest" time. This usually means playing with his dominoes in his room. He uses them to role play Revolutionary or Civil War battles of his own imaging. They have been a favorite "spectrum" toy of his since we bought his first set at around age 4. He used to just line them up and knock them down. Then, he started incorporating them into his imaginary play (as he grew older, his imaginary play matured - but it still is very centered around his especially intense interests).
Other times, he will compose a Calvin and Hobbes inspired comic - his original comic "odes" to Bill Waterson's creation, are becoming more witty and unique, as he becomes more confident about putting his own sense humor to paper.
He has chores now - manly ones, we like to call them. Helping Mom, by bringing the filled dirty laundry basket downstairs. Checking the dryer and bringing any clean ones upstairs. Cleaning up after the dog in the yard - he is both disgusted and delighted by this task - listening to his exclamations as he picks up poo, is hysterical (This one is HUGE!!). Then, there are the expected chores - making his bed, cleaning up his floor before bedtime and putting his own clothes away.
As he gets older, our expectations of him both at home and at school continue to increase. The world outside of school, does not have an IEP. There are no modifications for what real life throws at you. A special parking spot, will not prepare him to pay his own bills, hold down a job or live independently as an adult. So we start now, in small ways, here and there to prepare him.
It might mean having him redo a spelling test at home, that he did poorly on at school.
Re-writing that lower case "a" a dozen times, until it looks more like an "a" and less like some wonky doodle (same for lower case "d" and "b").
Practicing "give and take" conversations in the car. Especially in being conscientious of what the other person is speaking about.
Constantly re-directing him to look at person who his speaking to him (he has no issue with eye contact, the other way around).
Giving him places he can freely flap in with no one asking him to tone it down (home, mostly his room. Outdoors. The YMCA.).
Privileges for something well done, without being asked.
Consequences for something he shouldn't have done (and sticking with our decision).
In all honesty, at the end of the day, all I can hope is that we've continued to do our best by him. The biggest dream I have for my son, is for him to be happy - as it is for all my children.
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