So Hard To Blog

about my son...I find it easy to blog regularly about my running/triathlon adventures. Why is this such a challenge?

Perhaps because it hits so close to the heart?

Because he's so on the edge of "normal?" He's diagnosed with higher functioning Aspergers (on the Autism spectrum). School is challenging, but he is holding his own academically. I'm not sure about friends...play dates are rare. He's at that point, where he's developing beyond his elementary school friends, but isn't quite up to his peers in middle school.

We watch him, to see how he acts when its time to go to school...and when he comes home. Leaving and coming back with a smile, is taken as a good sign. He has a good appetite (ok...a HUGE appetite). He interacts - hugs, talks, smiles, jokes and does his chores (not always willingly...typical tween).

But he also loves to repeat entire groups of dialogue from his favorite shows or movies

He flaps. He also vocalizes what we call "sound effects" in conjunction with his flapping.

He has "intense interests" (not the same as 'mini obsessions,' which are transitory and/or periodic) - Military History, Lord Of The Rings, Star Wars Clone Wars, Indiana Jones and his dominoes - these have been a favorite toy of his, since he was three. Well before he was diagnosed with Autism, we noticed how he loved to line up those chunky Crayola markers. It only made sense that if he liked to line things up, he might as well do it with something he could be creative in doing so.

Has what we call "mini obsessions." Which can be anything from fixating on a particular video game, to not moving his cat off his lap, "because she's happy" and needing us to move her. Yes, that is an actual issue at times.

His conversations, can be very one sided, if you do not gently remind him or redirect him. "Listen to what the other person is asking you/interested in/wants to do/talk about."
We ask him regularly, what other people he knows, like to do/read/watch. We try, as much as we can, to teach him to put himself in the world around him...and not get lost in the world inside him.

His speech, sounds somewhat, as though English were his second language. In fact, he sounds quite a bit like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Tenses and plurals, however, continue to be tricky for him to master. Misplaced modifiers? All over the place...but those we try to make fun. When he verbalizes one....we point it out to him in a way that is humorous and not critical - that he can appreciate the unintended humor, is amazing.

I realize, that when it comes to Autism - how severely your child is affected, is an unknown. I see that in many ways, my son is lucky. Is that what it is, luck? A genetic game of poker?

Whatever it is, I admit...its hard to write about. I know there are kids out there, far more affected than my own. There are parents who are exhausted, beyond worried and trying to figure out how to care for a child - that will most likely require a lifetime of full time care.

So what right do I have, to worry about...to write about my son? Who can stay home alone. Is learning to babysit. Can go to away camp with his Boy Scout troop. Who can make his lunch with the toaster oven. Walk home alone from school. Make his bed without help. Who does not have toilet issues and can bathe himself? How selfish am I to worry?

But I do worry. Because my son is not neuro-typical. He will never be neuro-typical. He may learn to navigate the NT world, but he will always be a bit quirky. Be a bit "stimy."

My son is high functioning. But I'm his Mom...and I worry all the same.